Wednesday, November 29, 2006
So much that you can't plan for...
So, this is my first blog entry in a very long time. There's so much to say! You've all seen pictures of Evan by now - isn't he beautiful! Life has definitely changed and for anyone who knows me even in the slightest, you know that change is very hard for me. One of the hard things has been that nothing went the way I had planned for it to go. We were in labor for almost 24 hours and I'm very thankful that I let go of my ideals about natural childbirth because those last 12 hours would have been unbearable! I pushed for 3 1/2 hours before the doctor told me that she'd let me try the vacuum, but if it didn't work we'd be going to c-section. It did work though and he came out successfully, but did quite a bit of damage to me - I'm still recovering actually, but feeling better every day. My doctor said after it was all over, that he was probably a little too big for me and next time to accept her offer of an induction at 38 weeks!
I had also prepared to breastfeed - we did a lot of reading and went to a class so we would be ready. But Evan's suck was not strong or consistent and after daily help from lactaction consultants in and out of the hospital things still weren't going well and I was very frurstated that it was not going like I had planned. We were nursing, bottle feeding, and pumping and I was fighting a losing battle with the pump. We were exhausted and our lactation consultant said something that made a lot of sense: you have to do what you have to do in order to enjoy your baby, that's what's most important. She was right, because I was not enjoying Evan the way I wanted to. After a lot of prayer and crying on my part we decided to go to formula. As much as I wanted to breastfeed, I wanted to enjoy Evan more.
It's definitely been a hard adjustment being a mom. I still feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. Jeff went back to work today and preparing for that has been hard. Like I said I don't deal well with change so I've really been mourning all the changes in our lives, but I know that soon routines will set in and life will become somewhat normal again. I've learned that you can never be fully preapred for parenthood and all the changes it brings, but I suppose you learn as you go. Jeff isn't on this entry, but I have to say that his love and support through my pregnancy, our labor, and now as we're learning to be parents together has been invaluable. He's amazing and I know I couldn't ask for a better husband or father. There have been days that he definitely put in the majority of the work and he's done so very willingly. We love Evan and I'm excited to spend the next 11 weeks getting to know him and being a stay at home mom! I'm sure now that I'm beginning to know what day it is more often and the haze is starting to lift, there will be more blog entries to come!
at 11:45 AM