Thursday, August 09, 2007

So Much To Say

Between Grandma's funeral and working 5 long days, this week has left me exhausted. I've been on a roller coaster of thoughts and feelings with no time to sit and sort them out. Unfortunately for you, this is my first chance to do so - as a result, you're getting the raw and un-cut edition.

I've been very sad about leaving Evan. Dropping him off on Tuesday was really hard. I cried when I stopped the car, when I got him out of his seat, when Tandy opened the door, when I sat him down, when I kissed him goodbye, and of course on my ride to work. I haven't had much chance to cry since, but it's been on my mind every day.

I spent most of my week in various trainings, filled with regrets and misgivings, remembering all the things I dislike about Community Mental Health. I kept thinking, "I don't even like this job, how is leaving Evan worth all this?" There were a few times I even considered quitting.

Today was busy running back and forth between my new school and more trainings. At some point in the midst of my day, I stopped and realized that the ache in the pit of my stomach, which had plagued me all week, was gone. I was actually, on some minor level, looking forward to my first day of school.

God is faithful. I can't say that all of my uncertainties are gone, or that I've made complete peace with being away from Evan (even if for only 3 days,) but He's made all of that manageable. Thank you for your prayers!

I also want to thank you for the kind words and prayers regarding the death of my Grandmother. I've been thinking a lot of my Grandpa...that's my #1 fear you know - losing my spouse. The funeral was emotional as most are...but more so because of how death brings people together...

I've felt out of sorts all week because I've been away from my email and phone all day every day...hopefully this will change next week. Either way I'll have Mondays and Fridays off from now on, so that should help dial down the intensity! Evan has his 9 mos doctor appt next week...9 MONTHS...wow, he's growing up fast. I'll post an Evan update soon...

3 comments:

Lauren Stahl said...

Missed your blogging this week! Hang in there, new jobs and transitions are always tough, hopefully things will go more smoothly from this point forward. See you next week!

Kelly said...

Sorry you had a rough week, but I'm glad you are at peace with things now. Your posts have made me think about my Grandpa too. I feel so bad for him since we lost my Grandma.

Maya said...

Thinking about you! The work thing will get easier...eventually. Some days are better than others.

And we are so sorry to hear about your Grandma too. Your Grandpa will be in our prayers.