Finality

Jeff and I are planning on taking permanent measures to solve our birth control problem, and have been since we decided to have a second child. We're under a time crunch, though. Since we've already reached our deductible for the year, anything we do will be free if done before January.

In the midst of making the necessary arrangements, we had one of "those" moments. The "are we sure we're done?" moment. I was 100% sure I was done having kids, but suddenly found myself listing the pros and cons to having just one more. Jeff's point, which was a very valid one, was have we really prayed about this decision? Before we take these permanent measures, are we sure that God is leading us in that direction? And I realized that no, I've never really prayed about it. I've relied on my ever present desire to NOT have anymore children as God-given. But, is it really? So, we decided to take some time and pray it over.

I have to admit, I was a little worried about what He might tell us. We started really considering what life would be like if we decided to take a chance at three. I remembered the first times I held Evan and Aida. I thought about how fun it would be later in life to have a bigger family (much later.) And I was honest about the part of me that looks at Aida and is a little sad that I will never do this moment again.

We walked out of our room, after having that conversation, hesitantly open to hearing what God had to say. And we walked right in to a huge 4 y/o tantrum, dirty diapers, fussy baby, discombobulated dinner time, and chaotic bedtime. After both kids were in bed, we looked at each other and said, "yes, we're done!" And it would seem that God gave us our validation in perfect parent fashion.

Will there be moments that the Mom in me wishes for another baby? Of course, but I think that's bound to happen with your last kid, whether it's number two or six. But after this weekend's discussions, I am confident that a family of four is God's plan for us!