Sunday, September 12, 2010
3 weeks left and contemplating change...
I go back to work three weeks from Monday and for some reason that reality decided to hit me on Friday. I started to feel the familiar sense of dread when faced with impending change, but there was something else. I wasn't just dreading going back to work, I was dreading going back to my work. It's not my schedule, or my employer, or my co-workers, or even the clients really. It's what I do. And if I'm honest with myself, I haven't enjoyed my job in a very long time. I work a great part-time schedule, one that I don't think I could ever find anywhere else and that's really what keeps me married to my job.
When I got my Masters in Social Work, I needed a job, so I took one as a school based therapist, even though I had no real interest in being a counselor. That was ten years ago, and I'm still a school based therapist, and I still have no real interest in being a counselor, school based or otherwise. That's a problem. Most days I think I'd rather be doing clerical work!
Jeff and I spent Friday evening seriously discussing what it would look like if I was to make a career change and it was liberating. I think it was the first time I've been totally honest with even myself about how I feel about my job. And because of my schedule, I've definitely never given myself the freedom to consider a change. But I'm considering it now. I know two things. I don't want to be a therapist anymore and I still want to be home as much as possible. We know the dollar amount I need to bring home and it's not much, but I want to be happy doing it.
I'm still returning to work in October because I have no idea how long it will take me to figure out what it is I really want to be doing, but I'll be keeping my options open and I'll be doing a LOT of praying. I'm focusing on Psalm 37:4, "Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart." I know that God will show me what those desires should be, and that's what I'll be waiting on.
at 9:31 PM